Rush GoalieGuides › Team names
5-a-side team names
The best 5-a-side team names are short, easy to shout and get a laugh from the other team. Here are 90 to pick from or pinch an idea from, sorted by type.
Puns on famous clubs
The classic. Everyone gets the joke before kick-off.
- Real Ale Madrid
- Inter Your Dreams
- Athletico Mince
- Bayern Munchies
- Lokomotiv Lager
- Dynamo Kev
- Tottenham Hotsauce
- Aston Vanilla
- Sheffield Wednesday Night
- Borussia Teeth
- Queens Pork Rangers
- Wolverhampton Wanderlust
- Nottingham Florist
- Leyton Orientated
- Manchester Untidy
- Hamburger SV
- Paris Saint Germolene
- Accrington Stanley Kubrick
- Crystal Pelés
- Zenit Saint Petersburger
Puns on players
Date quickly, so pick a player who isn't about to retire.
- Ctrl Alt De Ligt
- Kroos Control
- Hakuna Mateta
- Kanté Touch This
- Pique Blinders
- Mbappé Days
- Nacho Average Team
- Bale Force
- Saka Potatoes
- Rice Rice Baby
- Dias of Our Lives
- Foden Fun
For women's and mixed teams
- Kelly's Heroes
- Toone Squad
- Earps and Downs
- Bronze Age
- Mixed Feelings
- Mixed Doubles
- The Lionesses' Den
- Girls Allowed
Pub teams
For the team that's really a drinking club with a pitch booking.
- Pint Size United
- Last Orders FC
- Lager Than Life
- Hoppy Days
- Bitter Rivals
- Ale Force One
- Sambuca Juniors
- Shandy Warhol
- Ale Mary
- Two Pints and a Penalty
- Prosecco Rovers
- Half Time Pints
Honest about your ability
Lowers expectations. Makes every win funnier.
- Expected Goals Against
- Ball Watchers
- Net Loss
- The Bench Warmers
- Sunday Lie-In FC
- Hamstrung
- Dodgy Knees United
- Two Left Feet
- Out of Puff
- Astro Nots
- No Hopers
- Cones Not Included
- Shin Pads Optional
- Average Joes
- The Grass Is Greener
- Knee Jerk Reactions
Made for 5-a-side
Names that only make sense on a small pitch under floodlights.
- Rush Goalies
- Kick-In Merchants
- Head Height Rule
- No Keeper Needed
- Five Alive
- Under the Lights
- Sweaty Bibs
- Bib Swappers
- Cage Fighters
- Rolling Subs
- Next Goal Wins
- One More Game
- Blooters Anonymous
- Thursday Nighters
- Astro Turfed Out
- Small Sided
Walking football
- Walking Wounded
- Slow Motion
- No Running Club
- Old Gold
- Steady Eddies
- Walk This Way
Want something serious?
Take your area, street or workplace and add a proper football ending. It sounds like a real club and nobody has to explain the joke to the league admin.
Endings that work: Athletic, Rovers, United, Wanderers, Dynamo, Albion, Corinthians, Casuals, Rangers, Town, Borough, Olympic, Spartans, Villa, Harriers. So: Kirkstall Athletic, Canal Street Rovers, Floor Four United.
How to pick a good one
Keep it under 25 characters
League tables, fixture lists and phone screens cut long names short. Rush Goalie allows up to 40 characters, but the table looks better with half that.
Say it out loud first
If the ref or the venue staff have to read it out, make sure it's something you'd be happy to hear on a Thursday night in front of the next team on.
Check the league's rules
Most leagues at Powerleague, Goals and leisure centres turn down names that are rude, offensive or about another team. Clean puns get through every time.
Get the squad to vote
Put three names in the group chat and let everyone vote. The team will use a name they picked.